Alex recalls how sweat had ran down my brow whilst eating a Chicken Korma in Clapham on one of our early dates. So I think he met my eyes with admiration and love when I managed to put away a Pork Vindaloo last night at the Goan curry house in Putney. Despite this great sacrifice of taste buds and spice endurance - the act didn't even yield a higher quota of farts, let alone a contraction.
You will gather that I've taken up baking, cleaning, and eating curry - all very de rigueur when you hit full term. Today I am taking a divergent track - less about stimulating the hormones to trigger the bump down and out, and more about exercising another part of the brain - which I fear will miss out terribly on exercise down the track.
I headed out to Waterstones last week to buy a trashy novel, yet found myself buying Noam Chomsky's 'Perilous Power - the Middle East and Foreign Policy'. A strange pretentious purchase, that I have finally tucked into today, in parallel with tuning into radio 5 to listen to Tony Blair put himself forward in the Iraq inquiry. I surprise even myself given the library of films and soap operas I've built up on sky + for inane TV passing of time.
I suspect the sub conscious is worried about those months ahead where conversation will revolve around babies, nipples, burping techniques, and who little orme looks like. I am fearful of the void of not working; intellectual stimulus, and lack of forum to voice my opinion on wider subjects than babies. 12 months off work - brilliant, terrifying.
On opinion - I'll try and summarise what I've heard so far -
Looking back I was anti war on Iraq - but I never came down with a forceful, coherent argument beyond the mockery that the US and UK made of an international process and complete lack of planning around the consequences of the action of war.
Back to the inquiry today, I want Blair to be given a hard time by the various Sir's, Lords and Baronesses who are asking the questions, and am slightly perturbed by the lack of fast witted lawyers on stage to challenge him. To that end I've only been impressed with the one female so far - Baroness Prashur.
The other person to impress is of course Blair himself. Where in the past he has been big on presentation and relatively loose on detail, he is now in complete command: his composition of answers, structure and the compelling conviction he conveys is impressive in the extreme. The only other time I've been taken by a politician in this way, was watching Clinton give a speech at the labour party conference in Blackpool. Doesn't mean Blair is right on each subject in my opinion - but it does show up Brown's inferiority further as the leader of this Country.
If I get back to the content - My take is that Blair was so thoroughly convinced that Sadam needed to be removed through credible rationale (see beeb summary)- that he seriously missed out on leverage with Bush on facilitating a Middle East Peace Deal. Instead he looked backward in gratitude for US support on Kossovo and slapped George on the shoulder and said we're with you - 1 year before the inevitable military attack. 5/10 on negotiation skills Tony.
Also, his conviction and dogmatic self belief prevented him from taking a more democratic process as momentum gathered i.e better informing cabinet and his own close advisors - who you would think would veer him away from war and towards a legal route via the security council. The thin line between confidence, leadership and arrogance.
Although I'd like lawyers to take chunks out of Blair and the decision for war - and however ineffective this inquiry might prove to be - at least it is taking place. We have never seen a US ex president up before an inquiry to answer to the public, (starting with Reagan in Nicaragua, and then the list is too long of 'interventions' that could all be argued to be terrorist acts in themselves).
Where Chomsky gets me thinking is with regard to the whole strategy. Take a smaller state to war, and as that state cannot fight back with the same weaponry might, their only successful tact will be to go down the terrorist / WMD route. And that seems to be my whole frustration with the military approach to Iraq, Afghanistan and Israel's actions in Gaza - you stimiluate the very thing that you're trying to address.
A lunch date and lack of brain power prevents me from continuining with this train of thought, and I suspect I do inane commentary on what is happening to my bodily functions much better!
Friday, 29 January 2010
Thursday, 28 January 2010
The manatee
When I look down at my belly (which I do with un-erring regularity), I think I see a manatee staring back. The baby's bottom is the sticky out bit to the side of my ever deforming belly button which resembles the manatee's head.
I once went on a snorkel trip in Tampa, Florida searching for Manatees - but we didn't see any.
I'd like to...One day.
There were a lot of things on my to do list - I used to say 'before I die', but now it is 'before kids', and specifically 'before labour starts'. In the last week or so the ambition has been to build up sleep credit and relaxed kama; go to the cinema; have a civilised meal; sit idly in the pub - but now Alex and I have gone past that point and we're willing that first contraction on it's way....sitting on the precipice - now actively willing the tumble forward, however painful it is bound to be.
I truely hit that point yesterday - Wednesday 27th Jan - 3 days overdue - I had a good lie-in watching the French Open. By the time I got up, I felt ready - and as predicted - the nesting urge took over and I manically got a wash on, put the dishwasher on, dusted - yes dusted the tv in our bed room, cleaned the bath, cleaned the oven hob - all in a frenzied, illogical order. I phoned the living centre in Raynes Park to say that Neil's first reflexology session had not yielded the baby and I was ready for a second attempt. My mate - Felic - had recommended Neil, after he successfully triggered the birth of Lara when she was one week overdue, and likewise for another two of her friends. The statistics sounded good enough to me.
Now a word about Neil Woodrow....Neil is a small, squat little man - striking for his empathetic pose and hair style - which is dark brown, short with some peculiar long strands that stroke the back of his neck. He has a double chin and strong hands. The hair is Neil's way of telling the world that he's spent some time studying the spirital side of things in China. AKA - if he suggests that sticking pins in my ears and wrists and kneeding my feet in an alarmingly painful way is a better route to inducing a baby than the invasive techniques that they try at hospital - then I should give it a go....which I have now done - twice.
Such are Neil's alleged successful statistics with overdue women, that I kind-of thought the second session would be a free-be - a near guarantee of a baby popping out within 48 hours. Alas - no, but he definitely put his back into it - and with each trigger point, the baby moved a litte bit more - according to Neil - more than anyone else he has seen - I agree it triggered something. The theory is that he gets the pituitary gland working, which stimulates the endocrine glands which generally help to kick things off and the little one down and out.
So I left the funny looking man in Raynes Park with flushed cheeks and a sense that something was going to happen, and I should drive carefully and promptly home. Indeed, I only spent 20 mins in Wimbledon Village taking advantage of a distressed sale, before making it back. I could feel the tell tale back ache returning, so siezed the moment by consuming left over curry, half a pineapple and a a strong raspberry tea. When Alex returned home carrying chocolates for the midwives - I was hoola hooping on my birthing ball in front of the tv, announcing we were close.
And it felt exciting - we felt - ready..... Together.
..............
But today is a new day - now 4 days overdue.
Murray has managed another emphatic aus open win to make it the final - and all the signs of yesterday have gone. The text msgs still come in from enquiring friends and family - but there is NO NEWS - and I'm starting to wonder if the body's natural reflexes will do their thing - before a dreaded invasive intervention. For the time being - the manatee is pretty chilled out where it lies and like those in Tampa, has no compulsion to come to the surface to meet us just yet..
I once went on a snorkel trip in Tampa, Florida searching for Manatees - but we didn't see any.
I'd like to...One day.
There were a lot of things on my to do list - I used to say 'before I die', but now it is 'before kids', and specifically 'before labour starts'. In the last week or so the ambition has been to build up sleep credit and relaxed kama; go to the cinema; have a civilised meal; sit idly in the pub - but now Alex and I have gone past that point and we're willing that first contraction on it's way....sitting on the precipice - now actively willing the tumble forward, however painful it is bound to be.
I truely hit that point yesterday - Wednesday 27th Jan - 3 days overdue - I had a good lie-in watching the French Open. By the time I got up, I felt ready - and as predicted - the nesting urge took over and I manically got a wash on, put the dishwasher on, dusted - yes dusted the tv in our bed room, cleaned the bath, cleaned the oven hob - all in a frenzied, illogical order. I phoned the living centre in Raynes Park to say that Neil's first reflexology session had not yielded the baby and I was ready for a second attempt. My mate - Felic - had recommended Neil, after he successfully triggered the birth of Lara when she was one week overdue, and likewise for another two of her friends. The statistics sounded good enough to me.
Now a word about Neil Woodrow....Neil is a small, squat little man - striking for his empathetic pose and hair style - which is dark brown, short with some peculiar long strands that stroke the back of his neck. He has a double chin and strong hands. The hair is Neil's way of telling the world that he's spent some time studying the spirital side of things in China. AKA - if he suggests that sticking pins in my ears and wrists and kneeding my feet in an alarmingly painful way is a better route to inducing a baby than the invasive techniques that they try at hospital - then I should give it a go....which I have now done - twice.
Such are Neil's alleged successful statistics with overdue women, that I kind-of thought the second session would be a free-be - a near guarantee of a baby popping out within 48 hours. Alas - no, but he definitely put his back into it - and with each trigger point, the baby moved a litte bit more - according to Neil - more than anyone else he has seen - I agree it triggered something. The theory is that he gets the pituitary gland working, which stimulates the endocrine glands which generally help to kick things off and the little one down and out.
So I left the funny looking man in Raynes Park with flushed cheeks and a sense that something was going to happen, and I should drive carefully and promptly home. Indeed, I only spent 20 mins in Wimbledon Village taking advantage of a distressed sale, before making it back. I could feel the tell tale back ache returning, so siezed the moment by consuming left over curry, half a pineapple and a a strong raspberry tea. When Alex returned home carrying chocolates for the midwives - I was hoola hooping on my birthing ball in front of the tv, announcing we were close.
And it felt exciting - we felt - ready..... Together.
..............
But today is a new day - now 4 days overdue.
Murray has managed another emphatic aus open win to make it the final - and all the signs of yesterday have gone. The text msgs still come in from enquiring friends and family - but there is NO NEWS - and I'm starting to wonder if the body's natural reflexes will do their thing - before a dreaded invasive intervention. For the time being - the manatee is pretty chilled out where it lies and like those in Tampa, has no compulsion to come to the surface to meet us just yet..
Monday, 25 January 2010
2 days overdue
Since the day I stopped work - now 1 month ago, life has changed irrevokably.The commute has been replaced by putting the washing on; meetings exchanged for downloading recipes and baking; project plans for shopping to do lists. I sit here - now 1 day overdue - in my holding pattern, before the event that will really rock our world.
Each night I sit with my husband Aex and we watch the fairly violent kicking distorting my belly. I'll say "there's a big baby in there and it's got to come out somehow". "bloody hell" we say aloud or think it. "aghhh" says alex, and we smile with excitement at the same time as pondering with that apprehension and terror. We are sitting on the precipice and we know it.
It's January - not a bad month to do very little - but not working is very strange - I've been wracked with sub conscience guilt that I'm skiving off sick, or should be looking for a job. Each day my to do list gets thinner and I'm fearful that I will lose an afternoon or 2 to some rubbish mindless daytime tv. I am however completely ok with losing an afternoon to good tv, made possible by recording anything decent through the night on sky +.
Yesterday felt like my birthday - it was in fact my due date. Texts rolled in - anything happening? It's a no -win situation - call or text back and the recipient is convinced you have some news - stay quiet and they are sure you are starting the long process. But it is nice to reconnect with so many people who are thinking of you, especially those who have been off the radar themselves since having kids, but now you are almost in their club, and have at least discovered their language thanks to NCT classes.
I have to say my pregnancy been's pretty good. Aside from this growing bond with my hubby pre becoming our own little family unit - Good things in chronological order include: guilt free greed;healthy thick hair, easy tanning on summer hol; de pressured work environment; seats on train; no hangovers; not lifting a finger at christmas; lie ins; small talk conversation with strangers.
Bad stuff they don't really tell you about:
Each night I sit with my husband Aex and we watch the fairly violent kicking distorting my belly. I'll say "there's a big baby in there and it's got to come out somehow". "bloody hell" we say aloud or think it. "aghhh" says alex, and we smile with excitement at the same time as pondering with that apprehension and terror. We are sitting on the precipice and we know it.
It's January - not a bad month to do very little - but not working is very strange - I've been wracked with sub conscience guilt that I'm skiving off sick, or should be looking for a job. Each day my to do list gets thinner and I'm fearful that I will lose an afternoon or 2 to some rubbish mindless daytime tv. I am however completely ok with losing an afternoon to good tv, made possible by recording anything decent through the night on sky +.
Yesterday felt like my birthday - it was in fact my due date. Texts rolled in - anything happening? It's a no -win situation - call or text back and the recipient is convinced you have some news - stay quiet and they are sure you are starting the long process. But it is nice to reconnect with so many people who are thinking of you, especially those who have been off the radar themselves since having kids, but now you are almost in their club, and have at least discovered their language thanks to NCT classes.
I have to say my pregnancy been's pretty good. Aside from this growing bond with my hubby pre becoming our own little family unit - Good things in chronological order include: guilt free greed;healthy thick hair, easy tanning on summer hol; de pressured work environment; seats on train; no hangovers; not lifting a finger at christmas; lie ins; small talk conversation with strangers.
Bad stuff they don't really tell you about:
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